New Blog New State of Mind

I canceled my last blog - sorry to lose it all but I was in need of some privacy as the husband knew of that one. I do like my privacy.

I'm back now. Many months later. On the verge of a new life. Some times I can barely breathe.

Therapist is getting married (woot!) and out of town for three weeks. Hah! Leave it to me to get wrapped up in therapy. Ah well - it was the only way I could do it. The divorce. And it's going on now. And I can barely breathe some times. Like now. Shit. My mother cried when I told her. Then couldn't talk. And cried some more. What about me! I wanted to shout. But I should have expected this - everyone loves the soon to be ex. Except me.

Meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. And phone interview for potential new job.

I am short of breathe. I am sweaty. And I need a valium. But it's what I wanted.

To get through this haze I spend hours online surfing images form the places I used to be. I am going back to before. Before when I was free from the misery my marriage has become. Back to Zim before I got pregnant. Before we got married. I want to buy a plane ticket and go there now. But I can't. But god dammit I can spend hours each day (serious) looking at gorgeous pictures.